How many times can you insult your husband on your wedding day before someone tells you to settle down? Seven. The answer is seven.
More on that later.
RELATED: MAFS recap, Episode 1
RELATED: MAFS recap, Episode 2
At the top of the tonight's episode of Married At First Sight, we check in on the newlyweds Jessika and Mick, and Melissa and Dino.
Jessica still looks happy with her marriage to Mick.
Melissa, who is preparing for the honeymoon, is about as anxious as someone who has not had sex in eight years.
As for Dino? He's pretty chillaxed, as 2001 I could say while I downloaded songs off Limewire and let my Tamagotchi die a slow, painful death.
Sayonara Episode 2 couples. It's time for our next batch of test subjects.
HEIDI and MIKE, and NING and MARK.
HEIDI & MIKE
Heidi is a fun-loving radio presenter! Here she is pretending to talk to callers live on air.
At the same time, Mike is in Sydney telling his family – including his disapproving dad – about his plans to wed a stranger.
Disapproving dad seems to disapprove, but without actually saying it. We just get a lot of these looks.
His name is Bob. Bob's not hugely convinced that his son will be able to give up the bachelor lifestyle to married a woman he has not met yet.
But ya wrong, Bob.
Mick and Heidi meet at the altar and are immediately ~ connected ~. After reading each other their vows, they have a nice smooch and head off to the reception.
While Heidi goes to the bathroom, Mike tells everyone how hot his new wife is. Fortunately for Mick, he's not currently watching Heidi pee into a cup. Unlike her friends who have had the misfortune of being recruited as urination assistants.
During his groom's speech, Mick gushes about his dad, telling the room that he looks to Bob when it comes to treating a lady right and making a marriage work.
Bob, meanwhile, has no interest in whatsoever in making this particular marriage work. Here he is abandoning the reception.
NING & MARK
Mark is 41. He's never married, never had kids and never told a woman he loves her.
Ning is a 32-year-old mum-of-three who has been burnt by lovers in the past, so she tends to self-sabotage new relationships by putting her walls up. This translates to: can be kinda mean 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁 🙁
Here 's everything mean that Ning told Mark:
"I'm just here for the food and the drinks. Not to meet you.
After Mark said he was glad Ning came to the nuptials: "I was gonna turn around."
"It's been a long day OK, I'm pretty sure you did not have to get up at 5. You did not have to do hair and makeup. 't think I was supposed to say that. It just happened. "
After Mark tries to warm Ning up with his hands: "No, that's even worse. Any excuse to touch me, geez, he just wants to touch me, I'm like 'Euuuuugh.'"
"I'm just gonna block you, I'm just gonna block you, I'm just gonna block you, I'm just gonna block you . '"
"Do not sing, please do not sing at all.
When he stands up to leave the reception table: "OK, do not come back. OK?"
In the beginning, Mark put it down to a misguided sense of humor bred from nervousness, but eventually seemed very sad because his confidence was taking a beating. How funny, unending abuse – from your wife – will make that to a person.
Eventually Ning's friends are like, 'Pull yourself together, m8' and Ning admits she should probably be at least TRY to be nice.
She wins him over by spending some time with his mum, and later nervously decides to tell him about her three children – they're not at the wedding – and he's chill about it.
Mark tells Ning he's 100 per cent committed to the experiment and does not plan on walking away from her. Ning shows her appreciation by immediately telling Mark she hates him.
Aine Ryan is an entertainment producer at 9Honey Celebrity. Tweet her at @ ainefryan about all things Married At First Sight, including your predictions!
Married at First Sight Season 6 continues 7:30 am Thursday on Nine. Catch up on exclusive interviews and gossip at 9Honey Celebrity. Missed an episode? Get your Married at First Sight recaps here. MAFS obsessed? Tune into 9Honey's weekly chat show, Talking Married, where you'll get the inside scoop on each episode. For more on MAFS, including past episodes and behind-the-scenes clips, head to official site.