Talk to someone about (almost) anything! Here are tips on how to get good in small conversations both at work and in private relationships.
– Is it still raining? ask the woman to come to the waiting room at the doctor's office. You have never seen it before, but answer politely: – Yes! Guess while you're putting your umbrella together.
The woman she asked could easily look out of the window and quickly find out the weather conditions. But because she asked you instead, you will start a little conversation.
But why are we really talking about rain, wind, and "nothing" with strangers?
Can not we just let others rest and hold our minds for ourselves?
10 tips for small calls
1. Smile and seek contact with your eyes. Do not be afraid to prolong your hand. Think about your body.
2. Remember the information you get "free", that's what you see and hear about you. Grab moment and curiosity and use it!
3. Show yourself something. It creates security.
4. Show empathy in the subject of the conversation partner. It shows you are interested in the lives and deeds of others.
5. Fill people if you can.
6. Use the person's name if it falls naturally.
7. Be a good and active listener. By being aware of what is being said, you get information that makes it easy to keep conversation.
8. Jump deeper. Ask "what" and "how". Just be careful not to help the conversation partner so much that it is perceived as a pure conversation.
9. Religion and politics are delicate themes when you meet strangers, so it's okay to be there. Remember that the other person does not agree with you.
10. Do not provide "good" advice if you are not asked.
(Source: Birgitte Sally, sallykommunikation.dk)
How to become a social winner
Important small places
The answer is that smallprats or small conversations are much more than just superficial weather statements.
Indeed, the discussion is very valuable in most social contexts. Small snacks that we simply can not get, whether in work situations, in a business, in a store, or in a doctor's office.
It can be an opener for new friends, jobs, partners, knowledge, or it can simply help make the day a little bit more social.
Sometimes it's just a matter of "surviving" seminars, a wedding party where you know only a bride and you sit at a table with foreigners for hours or a family relationship with relatives you have not seen for a long time.
Far from everyone feels so comfortable with this little snap.
Fortunately, everyone can learn a little conversation and avoid tedious and silent moments in situations when it was really nicer and more valuable to use this conversation!
Read also: You barely know what introvert and extrovert are
Key in switchbox
Thomas Leikvoll, along with Erling Arvol, wrote the book "Little Speech – How to Talk about Most with Most".
As a programmer and reporter in a number of programs on TV2 and TV3, just can not help just talk to most about most.
– We're talking about finding a ignition key in the book. This is a theme or interest that captures a conversation partner and you can easily get involved, "says Leikvoll.
Smoke speed is not easy
"To find out the ignition key, you should start talking about general topics that challenge you to go deeper," explains Leikvoll.
– Use the context that you encounter as the starting point. For example, you might ask questions: Do you like music / music tonight? Did you play some instrument yourself? Sign up for concerts / festivals? What's your best / worst music experience? What do you think of food? Do you like cooking? Have you found any exciting dishes / restaurant in the past? Smuggling is not necessarily simple – even for those who like it, Leikvoll will delight.
Make it a competition
But if you are successful in initiating and conducting an interview, the first rule is to increase your mind and try.
– Call and Set Goals: How Much Should I Speak Tonight? Can I find two new personal things about a person I have never met before? In other words, make a small competition for yourself, they advise.
"You have to say that others feel very grateful for taking the initiative so they do not have to. And if you fail, it's the second person who has a problem, not you, you have at least tried and gone with your head up.
Read also: Make sure you have social anxiety
Safe to ask
Sometimes little pizzas are just something you have to go through.
At obligatory occasions, such as a business meeting or a birthday party with a distant relative, it happens that you really want to be alone in front of the TV than talk about cookies.
If you want to survive the difficult social context, Leikvoll believes it is good to ask questions to avoid making little talk.
– Ask and answer the answer if you can not. If not, ask new questions. For example:
"I just came in. Something happened before I came?"
"I've never been here.
"Then will there be some fun and music?"
"I like or do not like to dance."
Avoid death and corruption
What should we not talk about?
– Do not bend too personally too fast. In other words, stay away from topics such as death, divorce and illness. True, the tone is not easy and scary and the themes are being discussed, says Leikvoll.
He adds that it is usually always safe to ask questions about the person to be talked about, and gradually share their own experiences and lives.
Read also: How to get better self-esteem and self-esteem
Creates contact and trust
That we should dare to talk, Birgitte Sally agrees.
She has written two books on small talks and her own Danish company, Sally Kommunikation, which organizes courses on relationships and communication.
In her latest book Take Take – Guide to Small Talk, Sally will tell you how to improve when chatting.
He says that if you improve your ability to build contacts and trust, you will be able to use small consignments as strategy and good work in many social contexts, such as contacting your neighbor, boss, co-workers, and other networks.
Increase your working life
In the workplace, Sally believes that small paths simply make a better working life.
However, it is now that someone thinks it's a little frightening when you talk to a person you do not know.
Sally, who is educated in psychotherapy, believes that it is natural for it to be. But you can better deal with both fear and little talk if you practice.
– The fear of rejection lies deep in man. Trying to talk better, the more you practice, Sally insures.
He dared to be banal
– What tips would you like to give those who feel bad during small conversations? And how can they start the conversation?
– Have the courage to be banal. Take advantage of all the free information that is around you. Location, Opportunities, Buildings, Weather, Photography, Art, Nature – Everything that looks around can be remembered, says Sally.
– Current topics can also be work, family, hobbies, education and things in the future, he adds.